Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Oath

Josh The Pilot has now been in Airplanes Running Together Avoidance Training for a week now, and on the first day they made him take a federal employee oath, which was slightly less formal inauguration than I'm used to. There was no platform, or tasteful bunting, or formal galas featuring top hats. There were, however, Donettes.

Somebody brought in a whole big box of powdered sugary goodness, and everybody had some, and all of a sudden the trainees had to stand up and raise their hands and take the oath without even passing around a WetNap first and I suppose it's still valid, even with the additional majesty of the Donette leavings. It's a good thing I never had to be sworn in as a writer, because my right hand is always holding a cheese-based product of some sort. I wouldn't want to debase the procedure further.

He is enjoying the training. His favorite pilot-oriented task is to talk on the radio, and now he not only gets to talk on the radio all the time, he gets to talk about talking on the radio. There is always the drive-thru, I suppose, if the whole ATC thing doesn't work out.

Right now the FAA people are making Josh do all kinds of word problems featuring moving airplanes and knots and vectors and I don't know what-all. People and math problems and exactness and pressure: I cannot imagine anything I'd be worse at. Air traffic controllers command a speedy intelligence and multitasking abilities I'll never know.

For example, during the drive to Oklahoma, Josh called me in great excitement. "Guess what," he said. "I just passed a subdivision? And you know what they named it? 'Morning Wood.' That's awesome! Isn't that awesome?"

Tomorrow, I am told, will feature a great deal of staring at a map with a bunch of little lines. Small snack cakes may or may not be involved.

prefer zingers myself, but only the vanilla kind at: mb@blondechampagne.com

7 comments:

jcat2323 said...

Uuhhh, you said 'wood'.
Reminds me of an article on MSNBC about a restaraunt chain called The Pink Taco
(apparenly named for a menu item).
Makes you wonder if the owners (of both the restaurant and the development) did that on purpose to get attention or if they really have no clue until people start using words like 'slang term'.

mike in the box said...

You do have to admit, that is pretty awesome.

red pill junkie said...

well now... then I guess I also pass that subdivision 3 or 4 days out of the week. ;-)

Ophelia said...

As you take I-75 north from Ohio though Michigan, there is an exit 69. Even better - it is for Big Beaver Rd.
I am SO not kidding on this.

my kidz mom said...

Word problems - NOOOOOOOO! Let the hyperventilating commence. I propose nixing all word problems in the universe and replacing them with the following: "If airplane A leaves Florida at 9:00am flying 500mph and airplane B leaves London at 8:00am flying 600mph, what is the color of the flight attendants' uniforms?"

lexie said...

At my high school's talent show several years back, we featured an act called the "Donette Destroyer." He got on stage as though he were a pro wrestler (he was, in reality, a skinny freshman). He and his "promoter" then began stuffing an entire box of donettes in his mouth, all the while grunting and groaning.

It was hilarious. I went to a high school with a strange sense of humor.

Doddy said...

Baptist Hymnal (1975 edition)... 'O for a Thousand Tongues to Sing' was hymn number ??? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? [It's 206 in the latest edition]

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