Thursday, July 13, 2006

Pretending

You know how you get addicted to stuff, and you know it's bad for you, and that it sucks, and it makes you a worse person for it, but you can't stop anyway?

I'm like that with The Pretender.

The Pretender was a largely lame television show which aired in the late '90s. I never watched it, because I was in college and busy doing more important things, such as finding out what happens when you mix Mountain Dew and orange juice and beer. (Answer: Very bad things.)

But Josh The Pilot has all the shows on DVD, and he showed me an episode, and I was like, "That was horrible. Put on another one." And he did, and I said, "I can't believe how much this show makes me want to jab a grapefruit spoon right into the side of my neck. What's the third episode like?"

We're halfway through Season 2.

What happens in The Pretender is, this guy named Jarod has escaped from The Centre, which from what I can tell is some sort of think tank on a wicked acid trip (you can tell it is evil from the -re spelling), and he's a genius and lost a lot of weight eating Subway and is able to take on any type of personality he wants. And so the people from The Centre are trying to catch him, and every episode he pretends to be somebody else and gets a job in the same industry in which a crime was committed (there always seems to be a job opening wherever Jarod would like to dispense justice), and he solves the case and then there is a montage in which Jarod lays a trap for his perpetrator-victim, and the producers lay in jazzy music to Get Revenge by, and the trap forces the perpetrator to experience the same thing as his victim and the bad guy is coerced into admitting to the crime and Jarod smirks, because--ha!-- he has been broadcasting the confession to large groups of people. Then Jarod moves on and the people from The Centre fail to catch him again! He is Perry Mason with a really good sound system. I absolutely can't stop watching.

Possibly because, even with my abysmal record with plots, I can always tell who the perpetrator is and how Jarod is going to make him cry like a small, small child. It makes pretend I am smart.

wirecutters please at: mb@blondechampagne.com

15 comments:

red pill junkie said...

One 90's series I particularly enjoyed was Quantum Leap. Maybe I'll order it through Amazon, after I finish with the X Files, since I failed to watch the last three seasons. I remember catching one or two episodes of The Pretender but it didn't grab attention.

OH BOY! :-)

Josh The Pilot said...

This show's four seasons coincided with my high school years. Watching Pretender was a family event on Saturday nights. We would also watch Star Trek: Voyager on Wednesday nights. That was about all the TV we watched, except for Carolina Panthers football and Nascar racing on Sundays. We looked forward to seeing where Jarod would go next and what revelations about him, his family, and the Center would be revealed. Maybe it wasn't the absolute best show there's ever been on TV, but it was a clean show (very rare these days) and provided for many great family memories as we would discuss that week's episode. Thanks MB for letting me re-live those memories with you. :)

Carrie said...

Oh, I absolutely adore The Pretender. (Then again, I also own seaQuest DSV on DVD...) I only watched the show intermittently when it first aired, since I was also in college, but my parents enjoyed it, so I would watch it with them. I have the first three seasons on DVD, and I'm looking forward to the release of the 4th--I think it comes out next week. Maybe it wasn't the best show, but it was fun. The fact that Jarod could be anyone was so interesting. Similar to Quantum Leap in that the same character got to essentially play a different role each week.

And JTP, Saturday nights in grade/high school meant homemade pizza eaten in the family room while watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. Good times.

mike, the proud new owner of a jogbra said...

I was a "Quantam Leap" freak. Still am.

As for another abovementioned show, "seaQuest DSV," I was never much into that, vastly preferring "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman." My sister, however, had a huge crush on Jonathan Brandis. She cried when she heard he killed himself.


MB, I'll let you borrow my DVD's of "24" if you ever get around to that.

LANEY said...

It's okay to watch lame shows as long as the main character is hot. And the guy that plays Jared is pretty hot, so you’re okay.

Jerry said...

Ok now MB you have got to stop bashing 24! I remember reading awhile back in your blog that you would never watch something like 24. So now my son and I are hook on it. We just finished season 3 and it was pretty much the same as season 1. But we watched it anyway. It's pretty fun and since we watch it on DVD I like the fact you don't have to fast forward through the commercials. Plus we laugh when the main character Jack says stuff to people like "You will do this or I will kill/maim/beat you up (whatever the plot requires in this episode), DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!"

He says something to that effect almost every episode. We laugh. Ah, good times with the family :-)

kelebek }{ said...

Pretender! I love pretender. Just keep watching things are going to get weirder aaaand weirder!!

Anonymous said...

You're horrible and conservative, horribly conservative. I also think you're lazy. Oh, and, I shudder to think what kind of college professor you would make.
The sort, I imagine, quick to condemn her students when it's obvious that she doesn't have her own life together, and can barely hang on. Yet, I check your blog everyday, and yet, I disagree with you so completely on every fundamental issue you stand for. I had to get this off my chest.

thebuxomwench said...

Whereas you, anonymous, have just made it clear with such a comment, that YOU, in fact, are just plain horrible.

Josh The Pilot said...

Hey Anon, why don't you have the guts to identify yourself before you start slinging baseless accusations? Seems like you've got some serious projection issues going on.
Another question: To quote Rush Limbaugh "How does it feel to wake up every morning knowing you're wrong?"

tamar said...

HEEE!!! Great answer JTP!!

Anon sounds like he got a bad mark or two on his final exam. All I have to say to him is, "Go cry in your proverbial cheerios!" You're just jealous that you don't have 1 iota of creativity in your entire being! Besides, are you REALLY challenging THE RACK?!? Wach yo self, fo u reck yo self!

(Another example of my own whitey-whiteness, so sorry) :P

Jcat2323 said...

Checks blog every day but hates it? Who does that? Someone needs a hobby.

Ignakowski said...

The Pretender was super. Jarod is totally, quirkily hot, and it was creepy and fun- all those sociopaths, Jarod's new dicoveries... That said, I'm afraid to watch it again and be dissappointed.

mike the amateur idiot-crusher said...

anon: Oh, and, I shudder to think what kind of college professor you would make.

MB > Deborah Frisch.

Check and mate. Try again some other day.

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