Saturday, June 03, 2006

Liquified

What's the deal with you and water?

The deal with me and water is that I freak out if I don't have a cup or a bottle of it near me at all times. Perhaps this stems from my college voice teacher telling me at our first lesson, within ten seconds of shaking my hand hello, that I needed to "drink water until you pee clear." Well. Now it's off to Broadway.

Then when I began to work at the Kennedy Space Center, I was in and out of air conditioning a lot, and I never shut up, and needed to speak in tones that could be heard over many cranky children as well as flocks of hell-spawn, parasitic grackles. (Indestructable, the common Florida grackle. If NASA can't fix its tank issues by the next launch date, I suggest an insulating layer of grackle.)

I am a member of the Water Bourgeoise. I am not a water snob, nor will I drink just any old clump of hydrogen and oxygen molecules. Nothing from the tap, as Florida water tastes like the barely-filtered liquid leavings of a fifty-large French tour group, which it basically is. It's gotta be Zephyrhills, or Crystal Creek, or the grocery store generic (Eau de Water From the Wal-Mart Bathroom Sink.) This cuts down on my options, as most bottled water is Dasani and Aquafina, the primary component of which is eighteen pounds of Morton's Salt.

I used to drink that crap, until I tried pouring it into a glass once. Something tells me that you shouldn't have to use a spatula to get WATER out of a bottle. It was a viscous mass of yuck, it was wrong, and I'm just saying-- even the grackles don't touch it.

cheepcheepCHEEPCHEEPcheepcheep at: mb@blondechampagne.com

22 comments:

amy lou the reader said...

My favorite bottled water is Fiji. Tastes excellent, but is a little more costly.

Lisa said...

As a poor college student, I carry my nalgene with my everywhere, refilled constantly from my brita in the fridge. Seriously, I need the taste of my own water. I can't handle inconsistency. (especially since my campus is Sponsored By Coca-Cola! and all we can get around here is salty Dasani)

Lisa said...

oh yea, and my point. Your blog is fantastic, even when you're only talking about H2O.

Halcyon said...

I agree with Amy - FIJI water tastes the best. I have been trying to comvince my husband and my sister of the fact... so far to no avail.

mike the longterm reader said...

I very rarely drink bottled water as a matter of principle, but if I have to choose, it's gotta be Aquafina. Their water is the most, er, watery — waterish? Oh, whatever.

According to the bottle, they purify it like forty-three times. Dasani openly admits to adding stuff in, like salt. This defeats almost entirely the purpose of drinking water.

Again, it's very rare that I drink bottled water, basically only when my Brita filter conks out. I remind you all that "Evian" spelled backwards is "naïve."

Also, keep in mind that complaining about the $2.75 you're paying for every gallon of gas is completely stupid if, with your fuel purchase, you pony up $1 for a 20-ounce bottle of water. Do the math: that's $6.40 a gallon you just paid . . . for water.

Besides, bottled water contains DHMO, and you simply shouldn't mess around with that.

Dantelope said...

Love the DHMO reference, Mike. Saw that a long time ago and nearly wet my pants reading it.

Mike, have you considered making your own brand of water using the Brita-tap factory in your house?

The way Detroit water is, it won't be long before it's actually cheaper to buy bottled water.

Ophelia said...

Dantelope,

You may be right, but I sure do love being able to drink yummy water right from the tap!

Jcat2323 said...

Like MB, I spend all day (and most of the night too) with a glass of water by my side, though I have to stratch my vote into the Pur water pitcher column. We have one at home, it's the best. I refuse to buy bottled water, it seems like such a gimic. If I'm going to buy liquid, I'd rather get tea or gatorate, it tastes a lot better, and I get the added benifit of electrolites(?) or caffine and good stuff like that. (At least that's what the commericals tell me.) Makes me feel like I'm getting something for my money, even if I am just ditching one gimic for another.

MB said...

I have the Brita-filter-on-the-tap thingie. I fill a big ol' jug, and then it sits in the fridge. It's this whole big complicated process that is complicated further when I apprehend cooler water from the English offices of where I teach. It's free at one school, and I'm supposed to pay at the other. But I decided that if they can't give me health insurance, they can bloody well at least give me some water.

Bottled water is only used in an extreme water emergency.

P.S. Oh thank you, lisa! This weekend I was all, "Way to put the Master's degree to work, with your 300 words on WATER, Shakespeare."

mike the longterm reader said...

dantelope: Mike, have you considered making your own brand of water using the Brita-tap factory in your house?

That's exactly what I have, and it's great. Normally, the city water where I live is fine, but evidently the pipes in my apartment have been here since the 1920's, so the water tastes like the Herbert Hoover Administration, in liquid form.

But when the little red light on my filter goes BLINKBLINKBLINKBLINKBLINK and I have errands to run and it's 95º outside, as it was over the holiday weekend, then I'll pay $6.40/gallon for the convenience of bottled water until I can get a replacement filter.

And I drank a lot of bottled water in anticipation of purchasing the Brita filter, but in those cases I was just paying for the bottles and the water was a freebie: I needed a steady stable of bottles to keep handy. I usually have a gallon or two in the fridge and four Aquafina 1-liter bottles half-frozen in the freezer for instant ice water on the go.

And I was fooling people about DHMO for years. Thought I was a genius and nobody had come up with it before. As usual, I checked the Internet, and I was wrong.

E said...

I always have water with me. It's like a security blanket and taking a swig when I'm in the middle of presenting in front of clients gives me a chance to gather my "thoughts."
I also agree with Amy Lou & Lisa, Fiji is the best tasting and my boyfriend and I can't figure out why! But I am a Brita girl at home.

HelloBettyLou said...

Arrowhead - Only because my dad works for the company and I get coupons (I refill the bottles with tap. Try Volvic, I tried it in Paris and got hooked. When I find it and want to traet myself, I buy that.

Dantelope said...

Hmmm, I don't want to scare you, Mike (oh hell, who am I kidding, of course I do) but reusing plastic bottles is a huge healthcare risk.

I watch 20/20.

I know.

I've seen the bugs.

They look like Alfred Hitchcock with lots of legs.

Pam said...

The American Plastics Council has released an FAQ about the reuse debate. Snopes.com also has an article on this subject. Apparently reusing plastic bottles is only a health risk if you fail to wash them properly after use.

Rachel_K said...

All I know is that Fiji water is kosher just like ALL of Hershey's chocolate. So if that matters to anyone, there you go. Love this place by the way and waste TOO much time at work following it.

mike the longterm reader said...

Well, thanks, Dan, I'm now less concerned than I otherwise was about reusing water bottles.

A scary health-related story on "20/20" or any other newsmagazine show is a priori evidence that I have nothing to be worried about.

MB said...

Somehow, Dan and Mike, I think that if you ever met, you would get along very well.

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