Saturday, May 13, 2006

Things That Don't Belong In the Bathroom

1) Small boys

Jim The Small Child Nephew's girlfriend, Brooke (she just turned three, or, as she prefers to announce it, "I will be four next May." Well.) came to visit with her two-year-old brother, J.P., who is Jim's most illest homey. When Brooke is not fending for herself amongst all this testosterone, she is potty training, and during her visit she gave Number Two a game attempt. The gentlemen thought this a fine pastime, and trooped in after her to watch the proceedings, until young Brooke decided that they offended her delicate sensibilities. So the door was closed, which left Jim and J.P. to pound on it, yelling "POOP! POOP!" which is a fairly good guarantee against any human being actually doing so.


2) The following conversation

ME: Augh.

JOSH THE PILOT: What?

ME: There's a lizard in here!

JTP: His name is Roger.

ME: I don't care!

JTP: And he's not a lizard, he's a gecko.

ME: So because he tries to sell you car insurance, it's okay to have him in the bathroom?

JTP: Geckos are okay. Lizards are disgusting.

ME: THEY'RE BOTH DISGUSTING AND I DON'T WANT SOME SLIMY THING WATCHING ME TAKE A SHOWER UNLESS IT'S A WELL-OILED EWAN McGREGOR.

JTP: He's my pet!

ME: I don't love you anymore.

but the good news is, Roger broke his leg by his blind insistence on clinging to the bottom of the door: mb@blondechampagne.com

31 comments:

HunterHouseMom said...

Sorry MB, JTP's appreciation of geckos is our fault. In the part of the world where houses don't have A/C and have bug-sized openings to the world, geckos (who live by eating bugs!) are welcome inside the home. One or two per house is not a problem, one per room is great if the local bug population supports them. Geckos usually try to stay hidden behind a curtain or something so you often don't even know they are there. They don't want to bother you, they just want to eat the bugs that bother you. Since we raised JTP in Africa (in homes without AC and with lots of bugs) we had geckos in our home all the time. We know you don't like bugs, so think of Roger as a helper. I'd love to have a gecko about now for our house. It is cockroach season in central Florida now. I'd much rather have a gecko in the room than see a cockroach (they grow them big here) anywhere.

Anonymous said...

I'd take a gecko any day over the scorpions that like to hide in my bathroom. But I do understand your predicament.

mike the longterm reader said...

We don't have a lot of geckos in Indiana, but spiders eat bugs, too. I don't care how helpful they are, if they pop in on me in the shower, they're gonna die.

Dantelope said...

It's the combination that scares me. MB you missed a particular ly perfect opportunity to number the potty-related issue #2, but I digress.

I'd hate to walk into MB's bathroom and step on lizard poop.
Squish squish.
What was that?
Oh, that's gecko guano. Faaaaaantastic.

MB said...

Ladies and gentlemen, JoshMom.

Happy Mother's Day, and thanks for raising such a wonderful son :)

thebuxomwench said...

Awww, his poor little leg!!
We have geckos chirping away in abundance here in sub-tropical Queensland ... have a habit of getting into hard drives and frying them.

"A well-oiled Ewan MacGregor" ... ROFL. Ahhhh, some mighty fine taste you have there, Lady K ;).

amy lou the reader said...

I think having a pet gecko would be cool...especially if he eats bugs. I hate bugs.

Cbell said...

Okay... I understand the gecko eats bugs and girls don't like bugs... but what is it about guys and reptiles anyway?

red pill junkie said...

My big sister blames me for inducing the "reptile" passion to my nephew Adolfo. His favorite animals in the whole world? SNAKES. He's always wanting me to sit and join him watch on the Tube how Steve Irwin or some other loony is handling a venomous mamba or something. He loooves to see an anaconda swallow a small capibara or yakaré, and he's always telling us (to the utter dismay of my sister) that he wants to be an herpetologist when he grows up.

We are thinking about getting him a dog, we mentioned him we would like to have a big dog like the one in the Movie "Turner and Hooch", but at first he rejected the idea because... he's afraid of big dogs. Cobras? no problem, but a big dog? no siree...

lina the reader said...

mmm Ewan MacGregor...mmm Scottish goodness...

Katie said...

A well-oiled Ewan McGregor. Good gravy, that is a nice image.

Joe Kramer AKA the New Yorker said...

the closest I've come to a gecko in memory is when I bought my auto insurance ($4K/year) That would make the gecko the lesser of auto evgils, however- I must ask- is there at least one other hot blooded city folk amongst you?
C'mon city folk invented the pet rock...

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