Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Happy Hurricane Season

Florida just had a week's tax-free holiday on certain hurricane kit items, such as batteries and candles and Valium.

I'm sitting here wondering if it does one single bit of bloody good. Every season, the media solemns at us to have these items on hand, and every season, 95% of the state looks at its empty propane tanks and unboarded plate glass windows from ceiling to floor and goes, "Eh." Then, they wait until four seconds before landfall to be all, "Oh-- perhaps I ought to have some ice on hand. You think 105 MPH winds might take out a highwire?"

One woman on the radio today did this screechy scenerio in which you have fifteen minutes to get everything out of the house... what do you take? Which is outrageously Lifetime Movie Of the Week. Like you're only going to have fifteen minutes worth of warning to cram your prized collection of Post-It notes into the trunk of your Civic. It's my very favorite Florida transplant media fallacy; these days, a guppy swimming off the coast of Liberia sighs, and NOAA starts drawing up a projected destruction cone for Miami as the local media wets itself. We've got days and days and days to panic and run around in small circles.

I would take my stuffed purple kangaroo, by the way.

box 'o' water in my living room at: mb@blondechampagne.com

11 comments:

John B. said...

My May 30th posting has a hurricane preparedness kit for your protection.

Cbell said...

Well... that explains why I all the shelves were empty at the PCBeach Super Wal-Mart when I was vacationing down there last week. I mean EMPTY! I had no idea what was going on... I feared that I had not listened to the proper news broadcasts and a surprise Hurricane was looming just minutes away.

Finally, it was explained to me and it all made sense... I think.

Jcat2323 said...

Ahh, the joys of hurricane season. Of course, being an Iowan, I don't know what that's like. We get the spontenatiy of tornados instead. There is no preparing or getting out, just "HIDE, QUICK!". Since you used to live in Ohio, MB, I'm sure you know all about that too. Which would you rather deal with?

red pill junkie said...

I certainly don't know what's worse, to suffer weeks of anxiety over the expectancy of a tornado or a hurricane, or to not knowing when a 8.5 earthquake is gonna pulverize your hometown.

September 19, 1985. That's a date ENGRAVED in the psyche of many mexicans. Football stadiums were turned into outdoor morgues, entire buildings turned into rubble in a matter of seconds. We ALL know a second big one is coming. When? it's anybody's guess...

Audrey said...

I must be insane- Happy Hurricane Season! I love this time of year AND I'm in the insurance business. People are ready to kill me yet I'm as giddy as a kid on Christmas. Must be the adrenaline rush???

thebuxomwench said...

A fine idea taking the kangaroo ... a warm, snuggly pouch to hide in and all :)

thebuxomwench said...

PS: We just had big bad Monica tear up parts of Queensland, taking banana crops as well as homes in her wake.

I'm sure there's a Monica / destruction of phallic symbols joke in there somewhere, but for now, most of us in the Sunshine State are still reeling from the shock of (which, of course, pales in comparison to her other trails of destruction, just being a wee bit tongue in cheek here)'nanas now costing about, oh say, $12 per kilo as a result of her sheer inconsideration ;) :(. The bloody cheek of 'er.

MB said...

I heard about that, buxomwench! I hope you pulled through OK. Although I'm excited to learn that you are there all the way across the planet, and yet we both live in a "Sunshine State."

jcat asked my opinion on hurricanes vs. tornados. Well, jcat, the really, really super thing about hurricanes is that you get BOTH. The first feeder bands throw off some wicked weather. So I don't have to choose, fortunate maiden.

Toni said...

We still have our hurricane lamps, canned tuna, and sterno cans left over from last year. Up here in Jacksonville, FL, through ALL of the storms last season, our electricity went off for a grand total of twenty minutes. That was just long enough for us get all exciting about digging out the candles and sterno, and right as we got our "campfire" dinner going, the power came back on. Bah. (I don't mean to make fun of the situation for those that did get pummeled, but seriously, the 'canes always curve around us at the last minute.)

MB said...

Hurricanus interruptus: One of the most frustrating aspects of the Florida lifestyle.

Then there's our deep dark secret of rooting for hurricanes to slam into any other part of the country except for the one we're currently standing in, but I'm not really allowed to talk about that.

Jenib said...

Gack-thanks for reminding me to go stock up on batteries and price out that generator.
No more Red Cross beanie weenies for me!

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