Friday, April 21, 2006

Well-Read

We're all still alive, surprisingly, after this.

Picture it approximately one million times huger, and in color, and you have officially not missed any of the horror involved with seeing the banner-sized version of this. I still say that picture is a touching portrait of a man in a Lady Godiva wig and a shirt from Wet Seal.

I appreciate all of your virtual support. Many thanks to in-person attendees Josh The Pilot, Friendboy Andy, Scott The Taller, and Fletch The Extremist, who must be met to be believed. Fletch is a business major seeking to expand his literary horizons. The highlight of his evening was stumbling upon a sorority's flyer for a breast cancer awareness event, the centerpiece of which is... a taco bar. So, mission accomplished for Fletch.

I read this, which no one seemed to like very much, but I had the microphone and was therefore in the right the whole entire time, so screw 'em. I felt it was appropriate, with this upcoming Derby being the first since I can remember without Pat Day. Furthermore, I knew it would touch the warm hearts of my students who were in attendance from the University of Airplanes, to whom I had just taught Seabiscuit, because only the truly great educators instinctively know that what a bunch of pilots and rocket engineers want to read is 300 pages worth of horse story written by a girl.

There was an excerpt from another essay about a fairly personal topic that I will totally tell you all about in... (counts on fingers) nine days now. It has to do with acting like a total tool, which as you well know by now is a way of life with me, but this was about acting like a total tool in a psychologically-diagnosable fashion.

But everybody clapped, and I got a whole free bottle of water just like competent public speakers do, and went to class today feeling fairly good about everything, until one of my students who was in attendance said, "You know how we had that unit on public speaking? And you told us not to say 'um' or sway or twist our hands? You did that the whole time!" And I smiled and said, "Easier said than done, isn't it?" while actually thinking, "I'd like to see YOU stand up in a roomful of your professors and admit to constantly assuming the fetal position as a result of everyday life, biatch" but sometimes, if you let them feel a little superior, they pity you, and sometimes show up to the next class slightly less hungover, maybe even carrying a pen.

Josh The Pilot taped the whole smash, including some wonderful footage of the floor, and I'm getting it transferred onto DVD, and I will put it on the website, which I have absolutely no idea how to do. So! You have that to look forward to.

I'm tryin at: mb@blondechampagne.com

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

The flyer says you read "The Waltz." Is that the one from your MFA thesis? I don't remember the horses.

Also, I think the DoubleSuperGigantoSecret Probation project might be revealed in the last line of the flyer.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and if they didn't like it, the hell with 'em. Most poetry readings feature speakers you can smell before you ever see, so your lack of B.O. probably triggered a sense of distrust.

OSA said...

Yes, please put it online I want to watch it!!

Anonymous said...

"Also, I think the DoubleSuperGigantoSecret Probation project might be revealed in the last line of the flyer."

You think incorrectly. One of the few actual non-blonde things I've done recently.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I wanna watch the dvd, AND I want Josh the Pilot to add the Director's cut!

After watching Bring It On, he should have a deep insight on how to do that :-)

Anonymous said...

A DVD? Cool.

Sounds like the event was a success. Congrats.

Totally wish I could have been there in person.

Nicko McDave said...

If you read the flyer too fast (as I did), it looks like MB's experience includes "frightening Jimmy Buffett".

Anyone who considers that to be an accomplishment deserves to be a success in whatever he/she/it does.

Anonymous said...

"frightening Jimmy Buffett".

I'm sure I did that in the process.

Josh The Pilot said...

The DVD IS the director's cut, and the director's commentary will be coming shortly.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I think everyone there was very impressed with your reading; I think Fletch was too, regardless of having pre-gamed before.

You have a gift with organizing your thoughts into a coherent flow and making it entertaining. Most of the time I can't even remember what I did during the day.
Good job, and let me know when the next one is.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you rocked MB, I'd love to see the video though! I remember the top 10 list from graduation, you rocked then - you rock now!

Anonymous said...

Aw, thanks, guys :)

Jenib said...
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Jenib said...

Very cool. Congratulations on becoming even more famous everyday. For what it's worth, I adored the article you wrote on the racetrack reflections.

I am confused on the flyer though. Is it "Smithsonian" with an "s" in the middle or "Smithonian"? (I really don't know)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the kind words. jenib:) It SHOULD have an "S", but does not, because the bunch of ENGLISH MAJORS who made the flyers misspelled it.

Anonymous said...

I saw her speak when she was in college. She was sick and losing her voice but still amazingly funny.

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Anonymous said...

You know what, better porn than the wrong gender, I always say :)

Wait wait wait-- you'd want to know what?

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