Sunday, April 09, 2006


Last night, it was a mini Milky Way bar.

I'm doing my best to curb even my cheese-based diet, as I've been cardio exercise-free for the past two weeks due to catastrophic trauma to the left pinkie toe. What happened was, I was sprinting around my apartment for absolutely no reason (this is why I live alone), and slammed my foot directly into one of the five-pound hand weights I swing around in an attempt to convince myself that I am in the process of seriously bulking up. Therefore, I am classifying this as an athletic injury, and passing off the limp to my students with the usual excuse ("Bar fight.")

It is difficult, however, with my new Lenten loophole, which issues directly from Satan.

A fine line, my friends, a fine line. I've given up sweets for Lent, and to me "sweets" include chocolate, caramel, ice cream, cake, doughnuts--all lovely, necessary components of life. And when these things are removed, I have found, the barest sources of sugar take on the radience of the very sun. I had an A&W root beer with ice after dinner last weekend and it was like sipping God.

I never thought to include fruit-based products in the Lenten ban, because... come on. It's fruit.

Then Josh The Pilot decided that he wanted a thing called a "frappuccino," and I mocked him, because first of all, three dollars and fifty cents for a cup of coffee, and second of all, I refuse to present myself to another member of the human race and pronounce myself as desirous of such a thing as a "frappuccino."

Josh The Pilot ordered the "Strawberry Creme" version, and wow, did that sound delish. Because the only thing the delicate taste of third-world black tar is missing is Essence of Bubble Yum.

But the barrista (I... leave this one open to you guys) called Josh forward and handed him a small cup, and told him to hold on a moment, because since somebody stole his original frappuccino, he would get another one at no cost. Josh got the large one (the "Veni Vidi Vici") and I got the small one (the "We've Run Out of Fake Italian Size Names, So When You Order This One, You Must Claim It As 'Tall.'")

There's a reason why the first one's free.

I've already had another one and it really needs to stop at:


lina the reader said...



Welcome to the cult. Er, club.

I'm really hoping they bring back the Mint Chocolate Chip Frappuccinos that they had last summer.

You ought to try an iced white chocolate mocha. They're fantastic. They have them frappuccino-style, too.

Anonymous said...

Yep. Tazo Chai Creme for me. Tastes like a spice cookie. Was in NYC for a meeting and was out late in the evening. Tried one at 11 p.m. (silly me, didn't know that Tazo tea is black tea and LOADED with caffeine). I understand why they say the town never sleeps - I was awake all night.

Can't walk through an airport now without stopping for one (a tall, thank you, with whipped cream and cinnamon on top).

You know you're hooked when you have to ASK for it special because it's not on the regular menu.

lina the reader said...

Oh snap, I love the chai creme frappuccinos.

My friend gets a venti chai tea instead of a coffee when she wants to stay awake to study. :P

And you REALLY know you're hooked when you know the "barista language" and can add modifiers like "double" and "no-whip" in the proper order.

Mini T said...

If you think that's bad then it's really bad when the staff knows your name when you walk in. I have been to the local Starbucks so often it's like Cheers when I walk in the door. I need to get a new drink.

amy lou the reader said...

Had the Vanilla Bean frappuccino this weekend. Totally tastes like melted vanilla ice cream.

I felt like I'd sold my soul for a $3.75 cup of something I could make at home with a blender and a scoop of Edy's.

Now that it's holy week, I'm limiting myself to veggies and rice and all things meatless.

Starbucks is evil, but oh, do I love it so!

Dantelope said...

In related news, I am down nearly 15 pounds in 6 weeks having constrained myself to a goal of 1700 net calories per day and averaging 450 calories of exercise each day (since I don't work out many days, that means an actual day is more like 900 calories burnt).

I do not drink things that have coffee in them. In fact, the only drink I've had in six weeks that had calories is orange juice -- 8 oz every morning.


MB said...

I tried the Tazo Chai Creme in the configuration you suggested, anon (only, no whipped cream) and now hate you forever.

I hate you, too, dantelope. I mean, congratulations.

kittybrunette said...

Since I am a journalist, Starbucks is a necessary ritual for me, being right across the street from my office. (the evil baristas knew what they were doing)
I have found the key to staying awake forever (haahaahaa):
Regular coffee, Cafe Verona blend, with a shot of espresso. Make sure to leave room for cream, which, I actually use the 1% milk instead, and add a tiny bit of sugar. I get through zoning board and commissioner's meetings on this concoction.

Ophelia said...

Caffe Verona to me is the nectar of the Gods.

Since I was in FL last week and the weather was spectacular I indulged in my favorite: Venti Coffee Frappucino, no whip. Yummy

Dantelope - I am amazed at your willpower but that's all the more caffeine for me!! (hee hee hee)

kelebek }{ said...

Uuh, caffeine discussion, let me in. Living in Madison I am morally, ethically and finacially opposed to Starbucks. But those darn frapucinos!! No other coffee shop makes something similar. I love the java-chip frap, but love the Tazo Chai and Vanilla. But otherwise, it is local coffee shops all the way!

2xgtld said...

Lina- You can get them to make the Mint Choc Chip Fraps- just ask for the Java Chip with Peppermint instead of mocha. Can you tell that I've spent waaaay too much time at Starbucks? Love, love it!

I like them even better since I went to the original one in Seattle. The insignia is a mermaid, complete with a rack- not as good as MB's, but close! And the name is after a Moby Dick character- literature, mermaids and coffee- all good things.

lina the reader said...

2xgtld, you are my hero!!!

notoriousmac said...

Starbucks? psht. C'mon guys, Caribou Coffee is where it's at.

Turtle Mocha=crack in a cup. Plus, if you get it to go, they pile the to-go lid with dark-chocolate-covered coffee beans.

Besides, Starbucks doesn't have daily trivia questions that can totally set the tone of your day if you get them right. Or wrong. (But wrong is not the tone you want to set.)

Anonymous said...
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Attitude Amy said...

Satan here again. Thanks for mentioning me in your blog. I do notice these things and so appreciate them. People act as though Satan has no feelings.

Sorry about moving that five pound hand weight. I couldn't help myself. I love to watch people stubbing their toes. (Much akin to watching guys get racked with a wiffle ball bat)

How's the no chocolate thing really going? You can tell me. I know, I tried to go without brimstone for a whole day and thought I'd die all over again.

Oh, and did you check your nephew's head for any unusual tattoos? Just checking. I'm not recruiting, I swear.

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