Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Lady Is a Tramp

Over the weekend I watched Lady and the Tramp for the first time since I achieved puberty. I originally saw it, I believe, on the Disney Channel, back when the Disney Channel broadcasted wicked sweet stuff like Spin and Marty and did not truck with such elements as the former Cosby Show-ruining Olivia (My single Rule of Life continues: Never EVER trust a celebrity other than God who insists upon going by one name.)

El Mouseo has released LatT on DVD, and, in typical Disney consumer-friendly fashion, the disk will remain on the market for the next forty-seven minutes and then all copies will return to their original storage in the Ark of the Covenant, never to be seen until inflation has shot the price of a DVD to your average gold-plated unicorn. Disney is all about infusing all the children of the world with The Magic, in properly, cost-effectively doled portions.

So I watched LatT, I went awwwww, puppies and babies!, and headed to the extras section. In which an animater was all, “Yeah… there’s that scene where Lady and the Tramp have a romantic evening on the town, and then there’s this dissolve, and they wake up in the morning, then there’s the puppies at the end of the movie, and you kind of wonder what happened there.”

Waaaaaaaaaaiiiiit a minute….

The English major mind slowly churned. You—you mean that scene where Jock and Trusty propose to her… they weren’t just trying to get her out of the house with the freaky evil Siamese cats? They were trying to preserve her honor! She not only… THEY KNEW. She blabbed!

And the puppies? Not born until after the Tramp moved in and got his license and married Lady in a proper Catholic ceremony, complete with little tulle bags of personalized M&M’s on the table and “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” at the reception? Wha-?

By the way, there’s a reason why I don’t attempt fiction. Any plot of mine would be like, “There’s this guy? And then some stuff happens.” This is right up there with my “Why, ‘The Coral Reefer Band’ a marijuana reference!” moment. I’m eight months away from the age of thirty, and I required the services of another adult to explain to me the intricacies of an Eisenhower-era Disney cartoon.

Well, I’m off to shop for Jim The Baby Nephew’s second birthday present. I think he’ll really love Pulp Fiction! That scene where the lady shoves the white Pixy Stix powder up her nose is completely hilarious!

but darling's never hit me... before at: mb@blondechampagne.com

19 comments:

Nicko McDave said...

What??? The Catholic church performs canine wedding ceremonies now?

That is, like, so...BLONDE.

kelebek }{ said...

I haven't seen Lady and the Tramp. Maybe I'll watch it for the cute puppies.
P.S. does it bother anybody else when it reads at the bottom "1 comments"?

2xgtld said...

If it's any consolation, Lady and Tramp were out gallivanting in the summer- note the trees, green and all. They had puppies by Christmas. Puppies looked to be about 6 weeks old. Dogs have a gestation period of nine weeks (lucky bitches- and I mean that literally!), so Scamp and sisters were conceived about the middle of September. No hint of fall in the sleeping together part.

Does this help? :)

lina the reader said...

Well, do we know where they lived? Setting is key, here. If they were somewhere like Arizona or Southern California, it could be November and the trees would still be plenty green.

2xgtld said...

I'm guessing New York- the original writer was from New York. Can you tell I am a total LatT fan? lol! And, according to wikipedia, there WAS a sex scene that was cut because it was considered "too risque". Um- yes.

Pam said...

Lady isn't the only Disney cartoon "tramp" -- there's also Naala in The Lion King rolling around with Simba, pinning him down and giving him the "come hither" look while Elton John sings "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" in the background. I considered that a little explicit for the target audience, but I suppose most small children wouldn't pick up on it. My fellow high school band members, with whom I watched the movie while killing time before a football game, totally picked up on it.

Then there's Pocahontas rolling through the flowers with John Smith -- and she doesn't even wind up with John Smith, though the Disney ending makes you think she does. She marries a different John, John Rolfe.

Is anyone else disturbed by this pattern? (It's probably just me.)

MB said...

Don't forget Esmeralda swappin' tongue in Hunchback. Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Janet the Reader said...

I am seriously reconsidering buying ANY MORE DISNEY MOVIES for MY CHILDREN! You people have disturbed me.

Lizzy said...

What about "Snow White?" One woman, living with seven (probably sexually frustrated) dwarves? Don't you think at least one of them tried to tap that? Walt was a pervert even then.

thatsnutty said...

What? No one has brought up the infamous scene in the Little Mermaid when the priest gets....excited at Ariel and Eric's wedding? I say canine weddings are better than that...what would B16 say then?

red pill junkie said...

"there's also Naala in The Lion King rolling around with Simba, pinning him down and giving him the "come hither" look while Elton John sings "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" in the background"

C'mon people! That's the problem with having anthropomorphic characters portraying human emotions, you start to analize every single thing instead of focusing on the STORY.

Consider this, grammar queen: Nala and Simba were actually BROTHER AND SISTER!! Oh yes indeed! Mufasa as alpha male is the ONLY lion with the right to mate the lionesses of his pack (that's why he is KING)unless you want to consider SCAR to be the biological father of Nala, which would have made the story needlessly complicated. See where I'm getting at people? Focus on the story and the craft of these talented animators.Otherwise you'll end up having seriously disturbing thoughts.

lina the reader said...

Way to keep it real, red pill junkie. I remember when I figured that out about Simba and Nala. (ONE "a") and for some reason, deciding she was an illegitimate cub made me feel better.

As for some of you, really, come ON. Everything is dirty if you want to look at it that way. Doesn't make Walt any more of a pervert than you are.

I did once have a debate about which Disney princess was the biggest slut. I said Snow White for the exact reason that lizzy said. Except, you know, it was all in jest and didn't change my perspective on Disney at all and only reinforced the fact that I am a stupid college student with the mind of an 8th grader...

lizzy said...

Finally someone agrees with me! I still have a soft spot in my heart for all things Disney, it's what i grew up on.

MB said...

Urban legend alert:

http://www.snopes.com/disney/films/minister.htm

Pam said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pam said...

lina, sorry for the misspelling. I haven't seen The Lion King in years.

rpj, I prefer to repress my knowledge of the half-sibling relationship between Simba and Nala (as well as anything math-related).

In reference to analyzing "every single thing instead of focusing on the story", I'm afraid my time in AP English (many moons ago) is responsible. The teacher warned us that we would never be able to simply enjoy a book, movie, etc. after that class. It drives my husband nuts.

However, as I said in my original post, most small children won't pick up on that level. I'm not knocking the stories or the animators -- I am, in fact, a Disney fan -- I just enjoy analyzing the heck out of everything I read and watch.

MB said...

Don't be sad, gq. I came home from Aladdin convinced that the "Prince Ali" number was a commentary on the Clinton administration. Then a couple months later in an episode of Empty Nest (I hope I'm not the only one here who remembers that show), Carol was talking on and on about the deep messages in a movie and her sister Barbara said, "It was Aladdin, okay?" and Carol said, "You saw a cartoon, I saw mankind in a bottle." And my family all pointed at me and laaaaaaaaaaaughed.

AP English does these things to a person.

Mike Marchand said...

I remember that show.

My mom watched it.

Her birthday was yesterday.

She turned 47.

lina the reader said...

Aw, it's all good grammarqueen. I'm a Disney FREAK so I tend to go a tad overboard about things.

On a different note, I'm glad I opted out of AP English and took DE instead (Dual Enrollment. Got high school and college credit without the hellish test. Yessss).

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