Wednesday, February 01, 2006


-Jim the Baby Nephew, as it happens, finds derision not to his royal liking. Last night my parents tricked him into eating vegetables, and he pulled a vegetable-related face, and everybody pointed at him and laughed, whereupon he burst into tears, so my parents spent the rest of the night feeling like the Worst! Grandparents! Ever! Excellent; he's inherited his Aunt Beth's thick skin.

So by reaching into my vast well of parenting wisdom here, I have concluded that it's totally okay to mock your child, as long as you do it before he has reached the ability to make you regret it.

-While we have The Prince in mind, I am struggling with a name for the successor to his sovereign high chair. Longtime readers will remember that before Jim was born, I refered to him as Taufling. I can't think of a name for his in-utero brother or sister. Help, please? ("SuperBun" is right out.)

-Josh the Pilot and I were watching a movie that involved the time frame "five years" and we discussed how five years can seem like a short while, but massive life changes may come into effect therein. "For instance," I said with immense smugness, "five years ago, I was a college student." Then I counted on my fingers and ascertained that I was, in fact, not. We then had the following conversation:

JTP: It's okay. I feel like I just graduated from college too.

If you can't rent a car , you have absolutely no business feeling old.

februrary is national wildbird feeding month at:


Janet The Reader said...

I was going to write a couple of suggestions for naming the fetus, but that pantyhose comment up there made me lose my track of thought.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, Janet The Reader, Aunt Beth made the pantyhose go away. You were saying?

bethany_okc said...

I think any fetus' name should be determined by won't get them beat up in school. Like my niece Charlotte. Old-fashioned name. I affectionately call her Chuck.

Janet The Reader said...

I like "Wiggle Worm". Maybe "Busy Bee"? Or "Pruny Pod"....I don't know, something cheesy with some sort of alliteration. My creativity sucks.

dan the reader said...

You may not realize this, Aunt Beth, but a Google of "taufling" produces your blog in the first two slots! There's a moral in there somewhere.

It's always too hard to come up with names we like, so I thought it would be best to issue names to stay away from...

Punk Band Names - nobody wants to hear you talk about Coagulated Blood Snot.

Food - despite popular belief, Peanut is not a good name; people are deathly alergic to peanuts! I also disapprove of Avacado and the altogether Very Wrong Fried Green Tomato.

Sci Fi - I know you're a Star Wars fan and all, but calling the little unborn The Dark Lord or Young Luke or, heaven forbid, Seed of Yoda, seems a bit strange to me. Then again, my name is Yoda, so that explains it.

Bodily Functions - these should be reserved for the firstborn to call the secondborn. These include Pukeface, Little Crapper, Intenstinal Blockage, Phallus, and the obligatory Prince of All That Is Feces.

My 4 year old won't leave me alone about "sonic boom" now whatever that is, so I have to go Google it. Maybe "Sonic Boom" is a good name. I don't know. My brain left me after the second child was born.

Good luck!

rach said...

Bob. Jim and Bob. Bob and Jim. JimBob. It's so obvious.

Anonymous said...

Aw, come on, guys-- I need a unisex name for a very pale fetus. How hard can this be?!

Yep. That hard. That's why I came to you.

lina the reader said...

Well, here are some options (and this is assuming that can be trusted)

Bennett (English origin): means "little blessed one"

Toviel (Hebrew): means "God is good"

Shae (English): means "a gift"

The site said these were unisex...then again, I know some people seem to think Ryan is a unisex name now.

As for me, I'm re-reading the Chronicles of Narnia right now and am rather partial to the name Reepicheep.

kelebek }{ said...

Well, Alex, Sam, Toni, Allie is what I can think of in English.
If you are interested in Turkish: Deniz (sea - I have a female cousin with this name, and a male friend in middle school), Umut (hope), and Bilge (the smart one).
Good luck!

bethany_okc said...

I suppose "Spawn of Evil" doesn't fit on those picture postcards about "Coming Soon to a Mommy near You." Right? But if pale skin tone is a certainty, what about Buffy or Spike. In this kind of forgiving society, Buffy the Boy would probably get along okay. Probably grow up to be a pale-faced linebacker.

Anonymous said...


It is one of the traditional names assigned by folklore to the anonymous Magi mentioned in the Gospel of Matthew account of the Nativity of Jesus.

Also...your neighborhood friendly ghost.

An anonymous, pale, bearer of George I think we've got it.

amy lou the reader said...

I like Toviel. Also, Segen is German for "blessing."

But I'll tell you, I've never heard a better name for a not-yet born baby than "Taufling." I would consider using it when we have kids.

Pam said...

We called our second fetus "Short Round" (as in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, which starred Harrison Ford, who is also Han Solo -- only one degree of separation from Star Wars). Two nicknames used by friends were "Elf" and "Stitch" (referring to the Disney character, not the eventual C-section which brought Stitch into the world). If you like Dr. Seuss, Thing 2 might also be appropriate.

Anonymous said...

How about "City" since Country is the baby's daddy?? or Metro (Metropolis) or continent or rock or Joe (I just like it).

Cherish said...

I like Robin.
As in, Christpoher Robin.
And of course Robyn is a girl's name.

Rick said...

My creativity sucks too. How about "Taufling II" as its fetal name?

jd said...


WanderingUpNorth said...

How about naming him/her/it

Amblyopsis Rosae

The description sure seems fitting :)

Mike Marchand said...

On a completely different tangent . . .

Weren't you at least in grad school five years ago? I seem to remember giving you advice about your MFA thesis vis-a-vis gerbil poop.

(Don't ask.)

I also fell in love with "Taufling" as a generic name for a fetus and wonder why its name has been retired. I still like it. But that's just me.

I also want to know what the pantyhose thing was all about. But that's just me, too.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike,

I LOVE your new system of counting grad school as "in college." Taufling has indeed been retired. Jim's jersey is hanging in the nursery. Every baby is unique and therefore gets a new name.

And the less said about the pantyhose, the better.

John B. said...


or pistachio (why, I don't know, my Dad used to call my oldest son that, thankfully he no longer calls him by that name, as my son is 16 and it would ruin his social life).

sweet and all babies are (until they crap their pants, anyhow).

OK, back to taking male hormones, as I am male and used the words 'sweet' 'wonderful' and 'baby' in the same sentence.

Jenib said...

How about "FutureRockne" or "Knute" (yeah there's a theme going here)"Shillelagh"

Then there is always, "Tatertot"

LM said...

In keeping with the growing vegetable theme: Niblet.

Anonymous said...

MB, how about Nugget?

Emma said...

How bout 'Boon'? It means bean in Dutch.
I always thought my babies (from the ultra sound picture) looked like lima beans.

Red Pill Junkie said...

Well, as you may guess by my alias, I'm a big Matrix fan, although naming a second brother or sister "The One" might bring him/her a little bit of trouble with Jim...

I'm also mexican, and here in Mexico instead of "rugrats" we have the term "escuincle". It's not really gender-less but you can change later the "e" for an "a" if need be. The term "escuincle" was originally used to name a breed of dogs the ancient aztecs used to keep, but not really as pets, because they used to EAT them! -something of a delicacy apparently- They are still around, fortunately nobody eats dog anymore, well... at least not intentionally, 'cause you can never be too sure about those taco stands you find on the street ya know ;-)

Mike Marchand said...

Grad school isn't college? Most of the grad students I know might as well have been fifth- or sixth-year undergrads. Oh well, not like I went.

TheLadyInGreen said...

Kidlet, Kernel, Trifle, Squirt, Fledgling... that's about it. Brain's locked up now.

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Vodka Redhead said...

I know the contest is over, but I'm going for the third fetus and if the second is going to be Schnitzel, I vote for Spaetzle for the next one. Just a thought!

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Great sounds like your trying to get a handle on things and that is great! Gotta go, I'm looking for a baby shower centerpiece for a baby shower I'm going to and I don't know where I'm going to find it. Guess I'll check out www.diapergifts.combaby shower centerpiece, I've heard that is a good place to start.

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