Friday, February 03, 2006


Like most people who work for the Dean campaign and then appear on Fox News, my friend Andy, (who, yes, is a boy, and my friend, but... not like that) can no longer show his face in polite society. He spoke on reality television at 6:55 in the morning--like, as in, as the sun was rising--but because without Andy I would not have a teaching job or an MSNBC gig or a 0% interest balance transfer credit card or an upcoming reading or a box of Blast o' Butter in the pantry or, for that matter, a blog, I watched.

It is an odd feeling to see a good friend's head on your television screen. There he was! Friendboy Andy! Purchaser of cocktails and proponent of TiVo! I felt like creeping behind him on the set and pointing at him: "MINE! MY FRIEND! I'VE SLEPT IN HIS APARTMENT! ONLY, NOT LIKE THAT!"

This is an exciting career moment for me, because whatever Friendboy Andy does, I usually follow about five years later. So sometime around 2011, I get to be not-amused by Steve Doocy before millions of people. Awesome.

But Friendboy Andy has been busy about many important things, including, quite possibly, the assassination of bin Laden. He is a Friendboy of Mystery. He disappears for weeks at a time, vanishes for what he delicately and broadly refers to as "appointments", and the next thing I know he's been featured in USA Today or is writing a book chapter or has won the Nobel Prize for Physics or some amazing grown-up person thing. "When did you uncover the lost city of Atlantis?" I'll ask him, and he'll be like, "Oh... didn't I tell you about that?"

You need a Friendboy Andy, if only for the feeling of being an extra on 24.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: The Name! That! Fetus! contest remains open throughout the weekend. Winner gets to... name the fetus.

the frontrunner is "schnitzel" at:


Danny said...

As an avid reader of your blog and fan of your particular sense of humor, my suggestion for the new in-utero baby name would be Schoenhut (maker of baby dolls and baby piano's). The connection may be obvious.

2xgtld said...

Congratulations to Friend Boy Andy! May fame and fortune (or at least fortune) find both of you! I, unfortunately, missed him since I was watching Sesame Street.

Regarding Fetus naming- Does voting count? If Taufling is retired, I vote for Anonymous's Casper/Kasper- Germanic, religiously oriented, pale, vague, and is about gifts for a baby- and a little boy at that!

When my son came, we convinced my daughter that he was a gift - and he would be there her whole life to play with!

Of course, I woke up 10 weeks into that pregnancy and said clearly "His name is Jack" and fell back asleep. We then called the fetus Jack for the remainer of the time, only for me to wake up with two weeks to go and say "It's not Jack. I don't know what happened- but it's not Jack". Major family discussion, husband and I talking and trying on different combinations (I rejected such jewels as Sylvester) to settle on Nick. I'm thinking there was static on the line when I heard "Jack".

2xgtld said...

Along Danny's line of thinking- there's "Hasbro"- maker of babydolls, Star Wars items, and short for "Has Brother"!

Alonna Larson said...

Friends Boy Andy sounds like an interesting guy! lol. As for the Name! That! Fetus game, here are my ideas--
Gummy Bear
or Niblet

WanderingUpNorth said...

Oh come on... I can't believe the scientific name for a pale white eyeless fish isn't your first choice for a fetus.

How about Cletus? Cletus the fetus?

Anonymous said...

How about "kidlet"? I still call my sister that to this day...

Natalie said...

How about "Thor, the Great and Powerful"?

thebuxomwench said...

Hi MB, congrats on the impending bublet :).

Hmmmm..."Schnitzel" ... very cute and well in keeping with the German heritage :). How about "Scnitzel Von Krum"? It's from an Aussie author's children's book (Linley Dodd) and is the name of a little sausage dog in there ... I like the way it sounds and the "Von Krum" part makes it sound like a little bitty "Schnitzel" indeed :).

Anonymous said...

Here's my vote for Jim's new mini-me:

Junior Mint. Of course, I'm partial to food names which is why my nieces and nephew are still called things like 'sweet potato'. Besides, Junior mints are super white on the inside and the outside is covered in chocolate. And what could possible be better than chocolate??

Anonymous said...

Shout out to 2xgtld...thanks for the vote...Hey MB, where did schnitzel come from? I didn't see it in the comments I this contest open to others outside your blog...I think we need some rules and regs on this...

Anonymous said...

Hi anon,

Some people have been emailing me their suggestions. So basically it's open to anybody execpt, like, David Duke and Carrot Top.

Janet The Reader said...

Oh my God, I love Hasbro. And please say not to Cletus...cause, ewww.

Planty Hamchuk said...

I have been inspired after seeing the name 'Carrot Top' and would like to submit 'Rutabaga'. It's European, that counts for something, right??

and to 2xgtld - I had no idea Casper was religiously oriented in any way.. I wonder if it's time to reread those old 'casper the friendly ghost' books and look for deeper meanings.

2xgtld said...

Planty Hamchuk,

Anonymous reminded me that Casper/Kasper was theoretically the name of one of the Wise Men. Balthazar and Melchior were the others- and those I just would.not. give to some poor child!

jcat2323 said...

My vote is for Fohlen, german for foal. It seems fitting, given your love of horses.

I found your blog a couple months ago via MSNBC's 10 sexy men article and I have been a fan ever since. I've killed a lot of time at work reading through the archives. There's one thing I just have to get off my chest: I voted for Kerry. There, I said it. Keep the laughs going.

Anonymous said...

jcat2323, that is an excellent suggestion. I'm glad you're here. And I don't care who you voted for-- as long as you're here.

You see how often I write about politics these days anyway. I'm just so... tired of it all.

erica said...

Hi mb,

I am a personal fan of schnitzel, though I found great joy in procrastinating on my homework and instead searching through Danish baby name databases for something fun. I found gimle, which means "new heaven."

I found you through Russell the Reader (as in he emailed me a post and I've been reading ever since). I'm excited to hear the nickname decision on Jim the Baby Nephew's younger version.

Mike Marchand said...

I looked up a site, probably the one where you discovered "Taufling," and found "Bruder" and "Schwester" for sibling. Downside: they're gender-specific (M/F, respectively), and they also suck.

I also found one for "wild child," and whether or not this will be Jim's only sibling, it's a possibility that either the younger or middle child will have a bit of a wild streak in him/her. It's "Wildfang." Upside: it's badass. Downside: male only, and besides, what if the child is well behaved?

So I bailed out on German and looked for another suitable ethnicity, when it hit me: Irish.

Here's some candidates. Starting with pure translations:

leanbh -- "baby"
dearth√°ireacha -- "sibling"
óg -- "young" (none for "younger")

None of those sound good, either, even shortened.

So let's try some names derived from Irish/Gaelic (

Aidan ("little fire")
Aisling ("vision, dream")
Artan ("little bear")
Banning ("blond child")
Brend ("little raven")
Cailan ("child")
Cargan ("little rock")
Darin ("precious present")
Darra ("small great one," "riches")
Delaine ("descendent of the challenger")
Eavan ("fair one")
Gannon ("fair-complexioned")
Reagan ("son of the small ruler")
Renny ("small but mighty")
Riane ("little king")
Wynne ("light complexion")

Of these, I like "Aisling" and "Banning" because they sound like "Taufling." Given what we know about your family's genetics, "Gannon" and "Wynne" are also in, but "Gannon" is the name of a pretty sorry quarterback, and "Wynne" is almost the name of a new Las Vegas casino.

"Delaine" and "Reagan" are sort-of appropriate for use 'round these parts, except I don't think Country would qualify as a "small ruler."

I'd go with "Aisling" or "Banning."

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwww, Marchand's working hard for New Baby. Thanks, Mike :)

Joe Berenguer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sean Cody said...

I just wish that 1% of the interent community understood this topic as well as you did. Thankyou!
Have a great one.
Sean Cody

maverick said...

Great sounds like your trying to get a handle on things and that is great! Gotta go, I'm looking for a baby shower centerpiece for a baby shower I'm going to and I don't know where I'm going to find it. Guess I'll check out www.diapergifts.combaby shower centerpiece, I've heard that is a good place to start.

maverick said...

Great sounds like your trying to get a handle on things and that is great! Gotta go, I'm looking for a baby gifts for a baby shower I'm going to and I don't know where I'm going to find it. Guess I'll check out www.diapergifts.combaby gifts, I've heard that is a good place to start.

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