Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Semesters

The whole dance starts all over again tomorrow, which means the anxiety dreams commenced a week and a half ago. First my teeth fell out, and then came one in which the popular girls from my grade school showed up as students and flipped angrily through the syllabus: "I'm looking for evidence here that you're qualified to teach technical writing and... I'm just not seeing it." Then they went to the skating party to which I was not invited.

At least my parents are in town, and have been cramming me full of fries and ice cream in these final days. "Ohhhh-- you're fine," they keep telling me, to which I say: People who will be fine tend know WHEN CLASSES BEGIN. Because last night I prepped my grade book, laid out my clothes, spewed one final time, and checked my email on the university system. Where I learned that classes, in fact, begin tomorrow. I would have arisen at dawn, climbed into my pantyhose, conducted myself to the college, and then patiently awaited students who wouldn't show for twenty-four hours. Because I am just that dedicated, and blonde.

syllabii on the copier at: mb@blondechampagne.com

16 comments:

Alaskan girl in Florida said...

MB, I hope you know just how hilarious you are. I started reading your blog when I saw your Snape article on MSNBC, and I've been reading it every day since. I'll start bringing donuts.

amy lou the reader said...

You sound like me. Before the start of each school year, I would have nightmares about the upcoming year - that I didn't have supplies, I would show up to school and never know where my classes are, I would get into fights with classmates and teachers over homework or something discussed in class.

More than one time I got sick. My parents thought I was nuts, my brother thought I was a loser, and my teachers liked me better than my classmates like me. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who felt (or feels) this way.

Anonymous said...

I guess I'll be the first to risk a less than glowing post to the technical writing prof ...and write that your recent MSNBC articles haven't been of the same qulaity as your earlier published work...is J the Pilot interfering in the process?...they frankly aren't as fluid...MSNBC deosn't seem to care though...but your blog still rocks hard..like the rack.

Janet The Reader said...

Well, good MSNBC writing or not, you just taught me how to spell 'syllabii', so, yes you rock. As does your rack. ;)

MB said...

Anonymous, you are certainly free to OWN YOUR OPINION :) My deadlines have been in a bad place for me lately (with P&P I was struggling with finding the movie as a refresher in time; the Aslan piece was right in the middle of finals; and as for the Oscars one, I had a 36 hour tunraround just as I was rushing to finish the syllabii, and right when I got it done, Stewart was announced as the host, so I had to very quickly revamp the whole thing.) So I didn't have as much time with them as I would have liked, but part of being a freelancer is dealing with this type of thing, and I'm working on balancing my day job with the increasing number of articles (a VERY VERY good problem to have!) Hopefully the next ones will come at a calmer time; I hope you like them better.

If you like, I'll have MSNBC give your money back on the ones you found subpar.

Michelle Miles said...

May I just say thanks for all the laughs? And Anon can't spell for shit.

I love ya, girl!

2xgtld said...

Good luck juggling those deadlines and "First day of school nerves"! AS a student, I never had any idea that the teachers were as anxious as I was! I had the "running through the halls in my underwear" dream for years...

Are you the movie reviewer for MSNBC now? Do they tell you which ones to review, or do you get to pick? It's fascinating to peek in on the life of a "writah"!

And I realized that my tag line might be confusing- I was a teacher of twice-exceptional kids and I teach special ed and gifted- hence, 2xgtld. I LOVE hearing about your stories as a twice-exceptional kid done good!

And in defense of Anon- I can spell- but boy, I get typing dyslexia!

MB- sorry about the Bengals. That was a tough game as a fan... I of course, am from Pittsburgh, so I thought that it was great! However, Steeler Nation is going to get their butts kicked in Indianapolis.

Attitude Amy said...

This article is so reminiscent of my first day at prison. Yes, prison. Living in Leavenworth gives a girl all kinds of opportunities, like working in a prison. No, I wasn’t a guest. “Just Visiting”. It was just before spring. The Kansas wind was cutting through us like a Chinese throwing star. I started on a Monday, but my digestive tract wouldn’t have any part of it. So, I started on Tuesday. I missed part of the training, but I am sure nothing important happens on the first day anyway. My job was keeping medical records. The first day I was surrounded by over 100 inmates: helping them fill out medical information. My only comrades were two nurses and one guard at the far end of the building. I had an interesting experience while touring solitary confinement. It made the first time Jody Foster went down to see Dr. Lector look mighty peaceful. Oh, and that one guy from the movie was there. Still naked, still giving the same old gift of would-be life. I never had so many colorful compliments in such a short amount of time. And the generous offers I received. Wow. I mean you just don’t get such affection from so many people all at once like that out in the ordinary world. Well, it was a glamorous life. Like being a movie star with all that attention. And they had such concern for my feet. Yes, my feet. Apparently I wore the same size shoe as many of the other inmates, and they really liked my shoes. Just kept admiring them and telling me how they’d like to get some shoes like that. One day I brought in a duffle bag with food in it. I had only worked there less than a month and no one searched my bag and I didn’t have to walk through any metal detector. I mean the trust between co-workers is amazing. Just gives me a warm safe feeling. I am just still so perplexed at how some of those inmates get their hands on drugs and weapons. Boggles the mind.
Well, I must say I have enjoyed your humor. I am glad Jen showed me your site. I will be sure to check in from time to time. I do feel a little uneasy writing to a technical writing teacher since I somehow got through Comp. I with an A, yet managed to avoid learning anything about punctuation or sentence structure. The same with High School. I missed a lot of High School. I even got an A in Comp. II, but still no skill in the punctuation department. Oh, I read about the short man magnetism and I feel your pain. I am about 5’10” and I am munchkin magnet. Are yours usually balding, because mine are? And they are always over confident. I may have to do some ranting about that later.

Anonymous said...

...to mb...thanks for the reply...no need for a refund, I just sensed that something was clouding your force...to mik...sorry I didn't spellcheck my post, as it seems to have really bothered you...they have poeple you can see to control that...
: )

MB said...

No worries, anonymous, we all have spelling issues.... I just have an "edit" button. I actually like knowing what people think of my writing, and appreciate your honest opinion. I hope you stick around.

attitude-amy? HI. Remind me to introduce you to some of my students who seem to think that two pages and a sentence atop an otherwise blank page equals three full pages. And yes, my shorties are usually balding. Jockeys typically do. Maybe it's the helmets. Maybe it's the fact they're constantly puking up a lung. Go fig.

lemming said...

Delighted to learn that I'm not the only teacher who gets the start of semester dates wrong. Handing in mid-term grades two weeks late made me really popular at the Registrar's Office...

I'd send you snack items, except that my student loan payments constitute a vitally large portion of the Federal Government's budget.

Josh The Pilot said...

To Anon: Seeing as I am 600 miles away from Tink right now, it's kinda hard for me to interfere in her creative process!

MB said...

2xgtld-- rock on! Sometimes I honestly wonder if somebody out there made the "doubly exceptional" stuff up... but to find that there are excellent people such as yourself out there who have an actual career based on it, I'm glad to know I'm not the only 2xgtld person in the universe.

Hi, Josh the Pilot. Yes, folks, he can type, too!

Laney said...

Awwww, Josh the pilot commented. How sweet! Hey Josh, no more nationally syndicated radio talk shows okay? Even though that was one of my favorite posts, please don't stress MB out like that. The new semester has started and she seems on edge.

Anon, don't feel bad. I can't spell either.

Anonymous said...

To JTP: Not THAT creative process Josh..you know, the other one...writing.
To all defending my spelling: Thank you much, but actually, I can spell...it's my typing that sucks...shout out to mb

Michelle Miles said...

Lol, Anon. At least you took it well. ;)

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