Well, Darth swept onboard today, stepping over bodies, demanding coffee between mechanized breaths, and, as First Official Act as Dark Lord Overseer, announcing a meeting. Because that. Is. Leadership.
I kind of hate to say this, but that was one of the more productive meetings I’ve had since my arrival, which, granted, is to say that we actually accomplished more than sacrificing several trees to produce agenda papers with a shelf life of perhaps four minutes, agenda papers that were completely useless in the first place. The forward motion of the meeting shocked me, as there was no food present, which I have come to think of a Constitutional right; that meetings must come adorned with Honeybaked Ham Fix-It trays.
I tolerated the meeting largely because it turned into an All-American bitchfest. My co-worker Michelle and I, when asked how we might “improve the system of securing clients,” looked at one another, looked back at Darth, and let loose a stream of suggestions beginning with “Where'd the Honeybaked Ham go?” and pretty much ending with “kick everybody’s asses except of course our own.”
The absolute best moment of the meeting, however, arrived when one of the existing vice-presidents kicked things off by saying, “Obviously we’re going to have to rethink this whole grants procurement thing, it’s clearly not working as a marketing tool,” and then when Darth asked us to introduce ourselves, he said, “And what’s your primary role?”
“Grants procurement,” I said.
Then Darth was all, "You are PART of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! TAKE HER AWAY!"
So a good day, all around. I’m really going to miss this place, because then my life will have to somehow go on without such overheard conversations as the following:
ENGINEER #1: Have you ever talked to Joel with (insert random vendor name here)? Guess what, I used to know Joel’s grandmother. Joel’s grandmother died, though. I can’t remember Joel’s last name, but the last time I talked to him, I said, ‘Joel, I used to know your grandmother! Before she died!’ His dad’s name is Joel too. Yeah, I thought that was really weird, that I would know Joel’s grandmother.
ENGINEER #2: (pause) What was his first name again?
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