I miss my college friends.

They send me emails such as the following:

"Ted came to visit me in October from New York. He drove eight (8) hours. It was quite the enjoyable weekend. But as Ted was sitting in his car, about to drive back to New York, he asked me if he could use the bathroom before he left. Sure, why not? It is a long trip from Maine to New York. So Ted used the bathroom, for quite a long while, and ended up breaking my toilet. My toilet has not been the same since. Ted may be my best man when I get married, but I'll be damned if I ever let him use my toilet again. Ah Teddy, I can't wait to make sure your future wife knows what she's getting herself into. I'd bet a quarter that she'll at least make sure you have your own, separate toilet."

The above is from The One Known As Sykes, Army Ranger, who in days of dormdom brought love and light into the lives of many by occasionally leaping up, shouting "Wheel! Of! Fortune! I'll spin!" then exposing a horrifying amount of buttocks area and spinning in a rapid circle as everyone within eyeshot scattered. We became immediately confident about the fate of democracy when the Army sent Sykes to Afghanistan.

Sykes also briefly named his fantasy football team "Ted Broke My Toilet." I think that's pretty much all you need to know about Sykes in order to fully understand his place in the universe.