I will never eat again.

Thanks to everyone who emailed wondering if I am in fact dead. You all rock, except for maybe U. Done, who wrote, "No pressure, but where the hell have you been?" See, this is what happens when you don't have a life, and you update seven hundred times a day, and then all of a sudden when you DO have a life, everybody gets hysterical. Siddown, people.

I just put Taufling and his mommy and dad on a plane. They fed me like a princess this weekend. Steak. Cheesecake. Pina coladas. Grand Slams with a large apple juice. It's great to have a sibling gainfully employed. I haven't eaten this well since my parents visited in February and hauled my overdrawn ass to Perkins and back.

Now that they're gone, I have to fend for myself. I just finished dinner. Chefboyardee. I miss Taufling.

Seeing my sister for the first time since I knew about Taufling was kind of anticlimactic. She was sitting in the rental car while her husband checked into the hotel. I thought I would cry or have some sort of divine moment or something, but that's a little difficult to pull off while leaning in the window of a Dodge Stratus. So instead I handed her a rose (yes, she made it past the Most! Emotional! Rose! Ceremony! Ever!) and asked how the flight was.

Once she was out of the car, though, I put my hands on my knees and addressed my niece or nephew. "I am your aunt," I said. "I love you. Please do not ever bring me your math homework."

Taufling is four and a half months away from his or her birthday. The books and websites have been saying that Julie should feel some movement by now, but nada so far. Friday night, though, as she drifted off to sleep, she felt a strange fluttering sensation in her abdomen. Taufling was talking back.



"Elisabeth said, 'As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!'"

"And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."

Luke 1:44-47

Email One Proud Aunt at: blondechampagne@hotmail.com