Horseplay

'Tis strange. I haven't found any displays in my local supermarket touting supplies for everybody's big Breeders' Cup parties tomorrow.

The Breeders' Cup is the Super Bowl of racing-- while the Kentucky Derby consists of just one race for three-year-olds, the BC pits horses of all classes, ages, and backgrounds in a potpourri of stakes. Well-adjusted people have never even heard of it; I'll be taping all five hours of coverage on NBC. My own personal BC party will consist of me, my remote, and a faint sense of dread. Will Merv Griffin appear? With or without his horrifying, hurl-green jacket?

Gary "You're In My House Now, Pat Day" Stevens is riding in four races. He's going to completely rock the Santa Anita casbah. Unless of course he doesn't. Whatever he wins, or doesn't win, he's sliding off the back of his last mount and getting immediately on a plane to England to promote Seabiscuit. Oh, those lucky Brits... to have the glories of Tobey McGuire whining "Yeah, this is REEEEEEEEEAAAAALLY different!" and the heroic performance by Gary's fake hair all ahead of them. Good times.