Boomer Esiason, I Love You, Man,

but you have got to be kidding me. Esiason-- the quarterback of my youth, the quarterback of my heart-- has been writing articles for NFL.com, one of which actually contains the following sentence: "While most people in the media love to practice schadenfreude (that's a malicious satisfaction in the misfortunes of others, in case you were wondering), I've always tried to focus on the big picture."

When athletes or comedians or politicians turn "author", the writing process becomes extremely complex: Has the very large picture on the book jacket dictated everything to the actual writer, who cobbles everything together from interviews, or have we just gone full-grade school with the "as told to" or "with" ghostwriter supplying every last comma? I was wondering which route my old friend had chosen until I saw that line. Boomer, precious, I will empty the contents of my checking account unto you-- that's right, all $17.82 of it is YOURS-- if you can pronounce "schadenfreude". Or, for that matter, "malicious."