Why I Left Journalism

It is rife with such people, places, and things as the following actual example:

"Don Pascke, 66, took a minute from pruning plants at his Landover Boulevard home last week to offer his thoughts on recycling."

Aren't you burning to know what Don Pascke's thoughts on recycling are?

Aren't you?!

Is the suspense killing you yet?

Here it is:

"'We've got less garbage,' Pascke said."

(crowd roars)