Mom

So who's coming to my Assumption party? We can... you know... do Assumption.... things.

August 15th is a Holy Day of Obligation, which means I had to get my ass to Mass, Friday or not. So I hauled to a 12:10 service on my lunch hour for a fantastic liturgial experience, marred only by the presence of an old person with an I'm Old So Make Way complex. This bitch TOOK MY PARKING SPACE. I don't care if she's old; I don't care if she's a fellow Catholic; I don't care if she's the Virgin Mary herself: She TOOK MY PARKING SPACE. She maneuvered her bigass wagon in right in front of me after I had been patiently sitting in traffic with my blinker on, aimed purposfully at said space. I KNOW she saw me. But this being a Mass Expedition, and all, I refrained from bringing on the Horn-Honk of Anger, downgrading her offense worthy of only the Both-Hands-In-The-Air Gesture of General Disapproval. This was rewarded by a 10-minute trip around the block in search of another space. When I finally fought my way back to the parking meters, lo: behold, for a space had opened up that was even closer to the door than the one she stole from me.

And things very soon got even BETTER: It was pouring down rain when church let out. Ohhhhhhhhh! And Grandma forgot her rainbonnet!

See, the Big Mama Upstairs, she's my homegirl. She works wit' me. Happy feast day, babe.